As my young teen son continues to grow, I am watching him transition from boy to man. It seems sometimes, that he grows half an inch in a night, and I have watched him shift his focus distinctly toward my husband's advice, instruction, and approval. This is difficult, but I feel very blessed that I have my husband here at a time in which my son so obviously needs his father, and other strong male role models. I'm so thankful to uncles and Scout or church leaders who are guiding him, especially with portrayals of males in the media.
It gets exhausting - commercials, movies, TV, and social media where the bumbling man, often a husband and a father, is foolishly stumbling around saying and doing silly things, until an eye-rolling, female with pithy dialogue saves him from himself. This particular portrayal of men and boys is so common that my young nephew recently told his cousins, “Girls are smarter than boys.” While this could certainly be true in some cases, it couldn’t possibly be true as often as it portrayed. One can't blame boys and young men for feeling somewhat discouraged, and I can't imagine what it must be like to be a dad who is working hard to provide and fulfill his role as a parent.
As a mom and as a wife, this bothers me.
In a 2020 editorial, called The World Must Re-enthrone the Vital Role of Fathers, The Deseret News Editorial Board stated:
Society is reeling from the retreat of men from the home, neighborhood, and society. Some have given up or given in to declining morals, values and narcissism. Others are struggling to be good fathers, are worried about making ends meet and are stressed about helping their children succeed. And still others feel they have failed as fathers and wonder if they are even needed anymore.
The world seems determined to dumb-down and even dismiss the role of men and fathers. . .
I agree with this assessment, and think that since this article was written the problems outlined have sadly become more desperate.
The editorial continues:
Bashing men over the head with their faults while diminishing all the good they do is not helpful to men, women or children.
Numerous studies point to the fact that having a positive father or father figure in the home can be life-changing for children.
Dr. Warren Farrell, in his book “Father and Child Reunion,” explores the impact of fathers in society. Farrell spent over a decade looking at worldwide research on fathers and families. He concludes, “We are 100% certain that children do better in 26 different areas when they grow up in intact families. Children clearly pay a price when their fathers walk away or mothers keep dads away.”
The National Center for Health Statistics reports that 90% of homeless or runaway children are from fatherless homes. Most gang members also come from fatherless households.
Other studies show that children with present and positive fathers do better academically even if they attend less than stellar schools. . .
Dr. Farrell concluded that society has been waging a “War Against Fathers” and mothers and children are among the losers.
As is increasingly the trend, the media and movies are getting fathers and fatherhood wrong. Being a fabulous father or a dynamic dad has nothing to do with money, professional titles or the toys parked in the driveway of an upscale home. Fatherhood is not about physical appearance, apparel or having enough money for extravagant travel.
Real fathers simply take time for their children and constantly demonstrate through word and deed that they love and cherish their families and their communities.
Fortunately, there is a veritable army of fathers, brothers, uncles and grandfathers who regularly and routinely — without fanfare and far from spotlight — choose to make a difference. High-impact fathering happens in the low-lying events of day-to-day life and need not necessarily be tied to a biological father.
I will never forget the two single mothers that raised friends of mine during childhood. These were amazing women, and the burden of every single mother is beyond breathtaking! But, the single mothers out there, don't make good dads irrelevant or unimportant. My husband and I don't always see eye to eye, sometimes he annoys me, (and I him), however, I am reminded that I want to make sure my son AND my daughters know that their father deserves respect and honor, not eye rolling and dismissal.
A big thank you to all the fathers who bless our lives every single day!
One of our most important jobs as we try to raise our daughters and sons is to help them understand the vital roles of both men and women in our society and to recognize strengths and qualities that they should emulate.
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