We have highlighted self-care in several of our articles, especially those relating to fostering intimate, meaningful relationships with our loved ones. This is no coincidence. Why?
Because self-care is the greatest gift we can give to our loved ones. It alone produces the happy, joyful, fun, light and confident person that they need, want and love in their lives. It is the cornerstone to building happy, intimate relationships. And life -especially mom life- is all about relationships.
Self-care has more recently become somewhat of a buzz word, fostering visions of a spa day, enjoying a massage or relaxing in a bubble bath. This false definition and understanding of self-care causes us moms to dismiss the idea as something for which we don't have the means- whether financially or in time. It's not that we don't think we deserve these types of activities- we know we do! It's just that the every-day, constant, rolling rhythm of our lives won't allow for such indulgences. There are times of motherhood that constitute strict survival mode, and others where we may have somewhat of a handle on our priorities and activities, and yet there are endless tasks and constant demands before us.
Self-care is the sacred act of remembering and fostering YOU- your pure desires, passions, hopes and dreams- so that you can have fun, passion, joy and intimacy in your life and thus in all of your relationships.
For many of us, one of our greatest dreams IS to be a mom, and one of our greatest passions is doing that well. Having left the art of self-care out of our expectations for ourselves as a mother- all of what we believe being a "good" mother constitutes- we become one, and soon discover that we are depleted, drained, and lost- even though we thought we were following and living our dream.
Perhaps our own mothers didn't model motherhood with self-care in the equation. Many of us watched our own mothers have breakdowns, yell, cry and listened to them complain. On the other hand, some had stalwart mothers who never complained and seemingly did it all- showing a happy face all the while. Look a little deeper, and further down the road, and without self care, these women were either lost once their children were grown or others of their marriage and familial relationships suffered.
We create these little ones and give them all of our time, attention and energy. And certainly much of that is required for them to survive and thrive. More than this giving of ourselves to them and for them, they need to see us thriving, happy, growing and having fun. They need us to model for them motherhood with self-care in the equation. They need to know that developing our talents, reading, studying, relaxing and playing are an integral and imperative part of what constitutes motherhood.
Since self-care is, again, the sacred act of remembering and fostering YOU- your pure desires, passions, hopes and dreams- so that you can have fun, passion, joy and intimacy in your life and thus in all of your relationships- what does self care actually look like?
While it may on occasion be a spa day, massage or bubble bath, more often it is a few minutes of your focus on something that engages your creativity, inspires your mind or spirit, rests your soul, ignites your senses, gives you pleasure or is just plain frivolous or fun.
The possibilities are endless!
reading a good book
developing a talent
dancing or singing
walking in nature
sipping a cup of herbal tea
sitting by a fire
planning a vacation
designing a dream home
writing
doing yoga
going on a walk or run
attending a worship service
serving the community
making or enjoying art
gathering with friends
staring at the sky
laying in the sunshine
lathering yourself in lotion
lighting a smelly candle
baking
watching a show
listening to a podcast
shaving your legs
etc.
Self-care is about intentionally stopping the engine of the daily grind, pulling over at a rest stop- even if just for a few minutes- and engaging in something you love- 3 times faithfully each day. It will take intention and practice, but before long, you'll get the hang of it, and the results will blow you away- you and your loved ones will thank you for it!