We have explored what it is that a man most craves, and even needs, especially from the woman in his life (it's like oxygen!)- to be RESPECTED. What about women? What do we crave and need, especially from our man? What is our oxygen? It is to be CHERISHED.
Being cherished encompasses three components. The first is to feel wanted and pursued. The second is to be cared and provided for. The last is to be his special, set-apart someone.
Let's break down these three components.
To be wanted is to feel pursued and desired- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is to be his ultimate prize. It is knowing your man wants to spend his valuable time with you. This is evidenced to you when he enjoys having conversations with you. When he enjoys spending time with you. When he asks you out on dates or special weekends. When he makes the effort to fulfill your expressed desires and bring you added pleasure however and whenever possible.
To be cared for is to feel protected and provided for. At its root, this is evidenced to you when he provides the roof over your head, the clothes you (and your children) wear, the food you eat. It is evidenced in creating children with you and providing you with a posterity, thus multiplying his stewardship. He also provides other protections. He shields you and your kids from other danger and threats. This is often reflected in his physique- in his size, his strength; even in the way he takes care of his body. It is also reflected in his mental strength-that ability to carry on through drudgery, and put his hand to the plow every day.
To feel special to someone means that you know you hold a special place in his heart and his mind. You are set-apart from all others. He chooses you above all other imperfect humans, you know it, and you know why. This is directly reflected in the proposal for and subsequent marriage and commitment, then is evidenced further to us by words of reassurance, in gifts and compliments, in physical affection. We see it in the way he speaks to us, the way he looks at us across a room and the way he is patient with our flaws.
What if you don't feel cherished? What if you aren't feeling wanted, cared for or special in some way? Wouldn't it be great if you could just say "Hey honey, you should read this article," and he would respond with enthusiasm, a big smile and kiss? Nope, it doesn't work that way.
The only person you can control- or change- is yourself. So, what can you do?
Sometimes, although we would hate to admit it, we women aren't very cherish-able. And we often don't even know it! We forget or never realized that men don't need wife-lessons, instead they learn best from life-lessons. Thus, they need us to trust them to do things in their way and in their time. Men want to make love to their lovers, not to their (demanding, complaining, controlling) mothers. "Who, me?" you ask. Many of us think we are being helpful, but it comes off as criticism or controlling. Many of us think we are asking for help vulnerably by complaining, when it is coming off as demanding and unpleasable. Many of us even think we are expressing our desires through complaining, but that is yet another form of criticism.
Find Your Desires
You can start by turning your complaints, ones you may express to him, to friends or even just inside your own head, (about your life, about him, about the kids) into the hidden inspiring desire inside of them. Your pure desires are more powerful than any complaint!
Buried under every complaint is something you really want. A beautiful vision of what it would look like if you could wave a magic want- bibbidi-bobbidi-boo! Practice expressing these pure desires by starting off with the simple phrase: "I would love to..." As in: "I would love to come home to a clean kitchen after work." Or, "I would love to take a hot bath and read my book for a bit." Or even, "I would love some help with dinner." Another: "I miss you. I would love to spend some time with you tonight."And another: "I would love to have everyone together at dinner tonight." (Hint. DON'T start with "I would love YOU..." as in, "I would love you to take the kids to the park." Nix. Try: "I would love to have an hour to myself tonight and the kids would love to go to the park."
Express these desires to honor them, without expectation of getting the desired result. If you feel too vulnerable stating your desires to him, start by writing them down. Then practice saying them out loud to yourself. Then practice saying them out loud to yourself when he is with you. Think of it as an experiment. Expressing your desires instead of complaining makes you WAY more attractive and enjoyable to be around. In short, it makes you cherishable. And as a bonus, it lets you- and your man (and your kids!)- know exactly what you want. Which is VERY important. Because they can't read your mind. And it is also so attractive and desirable.
Express Gratitude
Next, you can express gratitude for any small ways you ARE cared for, even if they seem insignificant or expected. Aim to do this at least three times every single day! From now on!
Begin a campaign to find evidence of any small thing or way he cares for or provides for you and thank him specifically for it. You may have to practice looking for these because right now it may feel like they aren't there at all. Start looking to see what you can find. You may be surprised. Thank or appreciate him for each one, even if you think he shouldn't get thanks for doing something that is his job to do. Even if you never get thanked for all you do!
Receive Graciously
Last, receive compliments, service, affection and gifts, even if they aren't what you wanted or expected, with a simple heart-felt "thank you" and a genuine smile. Start a campaign to notice any small service, gift, affection or compliment he gives, and point it out with a thank you, a smile and even a quick (or big) kiss. Even if it only happens once every month, or once every 6 months, jump on it when it DOES happen and make a big deal to let him know how happy it makes you and how much you love his compliments, his affection and his gifts. What you focus on increases. So if you want more compliments, affection and gifts, focus on them!
You are already special and set-apart from all other women to your man, because at some point, he already chose you. As you practice expressing your desires and your appreciation while becoming a gracious receiver, he will have no trouble remembering EXACTLY why he chose you. You will remind him every single day.